Tuesday, September 20, 2011


About a month ago, everything was running so smoothly and we were on track to bring Arthur home around the first week of September... (at the latest!) Aaron and I were busy putting the finishing touches on the room, I was making plans for maternity leave, we met with pediatricians, even had Arthur's bag packed! It was such a joyful time as we felt Arthur's homecoming so near! We would sit in his room and read books and look at all his things. We were ready! Our hearts were readying for this change. We were becoming parents.

When we got the news that we might have a considerably longer wait, it was such a shock! It took time for us to adjust to this change. We had already imagined so many things with this nine month old boy. I was all caught up on "What to Expect" in month nine. We pictured one last summer swim with our boy. We were picking out his Halloween costume.

For a while I just couldn't believe it. I kept expecting good news, only to be disappointed again. Day after day, that became too painful. Keeping my heart fully open to our son and feeling the same pain every day was so hard. I wasn't getting my work done. I was forcing joy.

Slowly, I closed myself off to that pain and disappointment. I stopped going into his room. I stopped hoping for and imagining a homecoming. It was just too hard to keep going there.

I had lunch with a friend, neighbor and mother and I shared how I was feeling with her... she also let me have it! Saying,

"You're shutting off to your son! That's not ok!"

Wow! I hate that this is happening and I honestly don't know how to climb out of this pit. I feel so selfish and cowardly and cold for doing this, but right now it's the only way I function :(

I know there are so many adoptive families who have done this. Gone through this wait after meeting your child. How did you do it?? 


  1. Stay strong! I wish I had advice, but I don't know and I can't imagine. I am with your friend though! Focus all that energy into your son- as painful as that may be. He will be here, just not when you planned.

    Hugs and Prayers....

  2. Give yourself grace. It's ok if you need to shut off for just a bit to give yourself some respite. Shutting off doesn't equal stopping to love or care.

  3. I've not had any experience with this particular type of situation. I just came by to tell you that I'm praying for you.

  4. Hi Heather. I've been reading your blog for a few weeks now and my heart just breaks with you. I could have written your post just a month or so ago. For us, our son is home now, but the waiting was like torture and I too went through quite a long time of being and feeling shut off. It's hard. It hurts. A lot. And though other people try to give you encouragement, advice and maybe even loving rebuke, it's YOUR child you are seperated from and unless someone else has lived that pain I just don't think they can truly get it. So start there. And then....pray. And I mean pray. On your knees, litterally, as often as the overwhelming saddness, anger, grief, fear comes over you, get down on your knees and pray. Call out to our Great God who in Psalm 146 in verse 9 says He will relieve the fatherless. Pray that. That is how I finally starting fighting the battle to stay open, stay hopeful, stay more sane. I prayed scripture because in the case of adoption we can KNOW without a doubt that this is God's will. Be demanding of Him to hear you, to give you favor with the Embassy, and at the same time keep surrendering it all back to Him. He is writing not only you and your husband's story, but your son's story as well and though it's so maddening, we can't see all the intricate pieces that have to fit together to make it God's plan for you. Submit your will to His, pray confidently that adoption IS His will and don't forget we have a real enemy that wants to discourage us and most definetly does not want what God's will is for your life. But, He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world. If you want to talk more email me at lanipuakea at gmail dot com. I know how hard this is.....but I KNOW that He will get your through this and will turn your mourning into joy. Pray.

  5. Yes... there is nothing like the pain of being separated from your child with so many unknowns standing in the way. Be so gentle with yourself...

    We prayed against those who may be attempting to keep our child from us: Exodus 22:22-24
    "You must not exploit a widow or an orphan. If you exploit them in any way and they cry out to me, then I will certainly hear their cry. My anger will blaze against you, and I will kill you with the sword. Then your wives will be widows and your children fatherless."

    Deut 10:18 and Lam 3 are also great verses during this time...

    We also had a Halloween costume for our daughter and we ended up taking pictures of it on the dog... we can look back and laugh now, so there is healing. :)

    It's okay to close the door... it doesn't mean you love your son any less. And it will be refreshing to go in and revisit once you have some final plans.


  6. As someone else that's also waiting for a child to come home from Ethiopia, I understand, completely! Lately, I've just felt numb, like I just can't bear to open myself up to the emotional roller coaster any more. I don't think anyone can really understand unless they've lived it. And you should not feel guilty at all for shutting off. There is nothing you can do to get your son home any quicker, it's out of your hands, all you can do is wait right now and get through it the best way you can! Praying you get good news soon!

  7. I am also still waiting for word from Ethiopia. I can totally relate. I have not gone into my son's room in the last few weeks either. I just keep as busy as possible to pass the days. I had planned to have him home in July, but this was obviously not God's plan. The inability to DO anything to help is terrible as is the lack of information. I get a picture every few weeks and his measurements (which are questionable at best), but that is it. This process is torture! Hang in there. And keep praying:)