Tuesday, July 19, 2011


First, let's just get it out there... yes, it's been 18 business days and still no letter :( Yes, this has been difficult to handle. The other families and I are really hoping that tomorrow is the day! (The day we get news of the letter and pass court and Arthur is ours)

In the mean time I have been blessed by friends throwing me showers :)
One of our dear friends gave us the book, "Twenty Things Adoptive Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew". It's a book that a lot of you adoptive parents out there have already read or heard about. It's seems to be filled with a lot of truths that make you go... "ouch" take a few deep breaths. Aaron and I read through the chapter titles and to be honest, a lot of them kind of kicked our butts. I'm excited to read through the book with Aaron and maybe gain a new perspective. Here are the chapter titles. I'd love to hear from some of you who have already read the book. What did you think?

1. "I suffered a profound loss before I was adopted. You are not responsible."

2. "I need to be taught that I have special needs arising from adoption loss, of which I need not be ashamed."

3. "If I don't grieve my loss, my ability to receive love from you and others will be hindered."

4. "My unresolved grief may surface in anger towards you."

5. "I need your help in grieving my loss. Teach me how to get in touch with my feelings about my adoption and then validate them."

6. "Just because I don't talk about my birth family doesn't mean I don't think about them."

7. "I want you to take the initiative in opening conversations about my birth family."

8. "I need to know the truth about my conception, birth, and family history, no matter how painful the details may be."

9. "I am afraid I was 'given away' by my birth mother because I was a bad baby. I need you to help me dump my toxic shame."

10. "I am afraid you will abandon me."

11. "I may appear more 'whole' than I actually am. I need your help to uncover the parts of myself that I keep hidden so I integrate all the elements of my identity.

12. "I need to gain a sense of personal power."

13. "Please don't say I look or act just like you. I need you to acknowledge and celebrate our differences."

14. "Let me be my own person...But don't let me cut myself off from you."

15. "Please respect my privacy regarding adoption. Don't tell other people without my consent."

16. "Birthdays may be difficult for me."

17. "Not knowing my full medical history can be distressing at times."

18. "I am afraid I will be too much for you to handle."

19. "When I act out my fears in obnoxious ways, please hang in there with me, and respond wisely."

20. "Even if I decide to search out my birth family, I will always want you to be my parents."


  1. Daaaang. I really want to read this.

    And...we got our referral today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. it's on my shelf and it was a wonderful way for me to stop feeling guilty for the different ways i feel about being adopted. like the chapter on birthdays...so so so true. i've never liked my birthday and i feel like a brat because of it but this book helps with that. i'll put together a list of some things that have helped me out for you SOON!

  3. Tomika! I totally thought of you when I posted this. Thanks for your input.

  4. Thanks for sharing these chapters, Heather. This Sherrie Eldridge's collection of essays is a must read for those who wants to adopt a child. This book can make us understand the adoptees' different points of view regarding the issues that are facing.

    Aiko Dumas