Sunday, February 5, 2012

THE TRUTH

the truth is... I have stopped to write a few times and each time I have gently backed away, perhaps for fear of what might come out... or for fear that I will be misunderstood.

the truth is... I thought that after having Arthur home, my little page would be flooded with pictures, videos, adoption advice... I thought that even though my life was chaos it somehow wouldn't phase me because we have our boy home!

the truth is... I'm sad! I miss my home, I miss my friends SO MUCH! I miss Aaron. I miss Kansas City. I miss the snow... what?? ... I miss my job.

Arthur is most definitely my ray of sunshine each and every day, but this has been a very hard transition. I have wrestled with the way this all went down. I have racked my brain and tried to find peace about the timing of this move, the purpose of this move, the discomfort of this move... I haven't gotten answers I love, or found complete resolution, but the Lord has been gracious hear me and give me some much needed perspective.

First of all... remember that blog a few posts back where I was having a pity party? Complaining about life and our FREE apartment? I mean, really? What a brat! There are so many people who would kill to live in a place like this for a few months! And those people deserve this break more than we do. Thank you Lord for that little slap on the wrist

... now let's get back to today's pity party where I'm all "whoa is me, I miss my beautiful city and my beautiful friends". In a moment of grief and confusion this morning, the Lord revealed something so important to me! I'm not the only one who had to leave their home and their city and their beautiful friends! Arthur has just done the same! And despite having a mother who is a bit unraveled, he's handling it with grace and courage and laughter! He is growing and thriving! He is not letting this hold him back. He is embracing the life he has now!

So let this be the first of many important things my son will teach me :) I'm so inspired by this little person.





10 comments:

  1. Wise words. Praying you find peace and JOY in your new home soon!

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  2. We miss you, too!! What a sweet boy!

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  3. oh man, i wish we could play with you guys! thanks for writing. that was good.

    love you,

    kristyn

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  4. I always love reading your posts and the insight that you bring to life's day to day challenges. Thank you so much for sharing and keeping it real!

    And on a totally other note, he has to be like the most handsome adorable little guy ever! Seriously! He's too cute for his own good!

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  5. He's so so sweet.
    Praying for you and your family!

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  6. Hi, I've been reading for a bit but don't think I've left a comment. Looking back from this side of the experience, I think I went through some post-adoption depression (like post-partum) after we adopted our son. The transition from working full time to suddenly being a stay at home mom was huge, and I didn't have a move and job change like your family has had.

    I hope you can give yourself space to grieve and rejoice. Each of the transitions you've just been through are huge on their own. Do things you love, and make you happy. Find joy in the new space you're in. It's not easy to be the new girl in the new city, but with and open heart it can be home soon.

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  7. Prayers for peace and encouragement for you!! He is absolutely precious!!!

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  8. So neat to realize and know when our kids teach us something. Totally agree with Kohana above. Adoption or not, you are now "mom" and with that comes "not my own person any more" thoughts/ and I also due to ministry have moved cross country and knew no body and was jealous of my hubby for getting to go work at church and have cool friends to eat lunch with, etc. (and I did not have a new baby at the time)---all tough transitions. God is good! He is faithful and soon this will be home for the 3 of you.

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  9. Hey love! I'm grateful for your honesty. I think that what you're going through is completely normal. After Dylan came along, life changed dramatically...I no longer had a regular outlet outside the home, I wasn't working at first, there's another living person DEPENDENT on me, how few hours of sleep can I really get in one night?...but I didn't have a move from one STATE to another like you! That's even more craziness right there!!! Be patient with yourself and give yourself some grace. And don't be afraid to ask for help. Ever. There's no shame in that game. I'm so proud of you. I'll be praying for you.

    Oh, and I'm 100% convinced that Arthur and Dylan would be best friends forever if they just met one time. They seem so much alike from your pics and videos.

    Love yoU!

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