NEWS, HOPE, & MOM FIRE

I was trying to wait to share news until we were more certain that we actually had news... but then I just thought... "what the hay"... plus I've been thinking a lot about hope and what it really means to hope and, gosh... sometimes hope is really hard!

Last Wednesday I woke up and something happened... a fire grew in me... I will call it the great Mama fire. Something hit me and I thought... ENOUGH! We've got to do something!! All of the sudden I was ready to call a lawyer, go to Ethiopia, bust through those court doors, whatever... I was hurt and confused and I had hit my limit... I was mad! I emailed our consultant and asked a series of questions and made demands and tried really hard not to direct my anger towards her...

The timing of the "mom fire" became quite humorous when our consultant emailed us back informing us that the judge had fixed our decree. "umm... oh ok." ha!

So this is really exciting news right? But for some reason, we hesitated to celebrate. It probably had something to do with the emotions of the day, or the fact that the email read "it appears that the judge has fixed your documents", but it was mostly the fact that cynicism had crept in... YUCK! Week after week of hoping only to hear nothing new will wear you down. It will make you feel foolish. It will crush your sprit and then you will decide to be cynical instead. Will you pray that we can dare to hope again?

HOPE LIST:

that our agency will collect and translate our documents so that they can be submitted this week


that the US Embassy will accept our case this time


that our case doesn't have to go to Nairobi


that even if it does go to Nairobi it wont be a huge setback


that we will get to reunite with Arthur before his first birthday


that we will get to have Christmas with Arthur

INSPIRED

For a while now, I've felt like I needed to start something. Something creative that will keep me busy and something that can contain some of this anxious energy. I've had several ideas, but never was inspired enough to start. One of the ideas was a series of animal illustrations, but there wasn't a whole lot of substance to that idea... until... again my mom helped me to make this idea more complete. More interesting. 

My mom and I love looking for meaning in God's creation. We will often talk about animals that cross our path and what they mean. It's just cool to stop and think about how every different animal has unique characteristics.

So, the project! I will draw a series of animals. I'll draw animals as they cross our path. I'm starting with a beaver. My mom spotted this one a few weeks ago. The beaver is a builder, seeking alternatives to solve problems. Pretty creative creature!

What animals are crossing your path?

p.s. the series will probably move over to my design blog. 
Check in there if you want to see more animals.

MORE ABOUT OUR MOVE

First of all, Aaron and I are both from Lubbock, Texas though we never really lived life there together. Our dating and married life has been lived in Kansas City and we LOVE that!  We love Kansas City! We've been here for about five years and it's been a great adventure for us! We have loved exploring a new city together, making decisions on our own and growing into who we are as a couple! We started careers here, we bought our first home here, we dreamed BIG dreams here... I was baptized here, and the list goes on!

Kansas City is a huge part of our story and has a special place in our hearts, but the voice calling us home could not be quieted... especially when we thought about starting a family!

We talked about moving back to Texas a lot over the years and knew we wanted to be closer to family at some point. We weren't really in a hurry... every once in a while we would see what jobs were out there and maybe network a little. We knew it would take a pretty big opportunity to get us to seriously think about moving.

Back in April... Aaron started talking with the associate pastor at Kingwood United Methodist church about a new service he had started there and the opportunity to bring in another worship leader. Currently the church is pretty traditional, but this new service has attracted some young families and they're hoping to grow that service.

It definitely caught our attention, but... Houston? Really? Houston was never really on our radar and actually before all this came about I had never even been there (seeing as how it's 9 hours from Lubbock! Ha!) In May the church flew us both out for an interview and to be honest... we struggled to be open minded about it. We knew we needed to be, we just didn't think this was "it". But the more we talked, the more we really began to see that we had a lot of similar ideas about what this service could look like. We also started to see what this opportunity could mean for our family. I would have the opportunity to work from home part time and be with Arthur! We would be close to family... we would no longer have to endure freezing cold, snowy, depressing winters ;) but seriously... winters here are horrible and I will not miss them.

After a lot of thought and months of going back and forth... we decided to take the plunge!

So... what does this mean for our adoption? Well, to be honest... the timing of this move has the potential to mean BIG MESS as far as our adoption goes. Our house has been on the market for a couple weeks now. If it sells, we will be relieved knowing that we can go to Houston and not have two house payments! BUT if it doesn't sell and we are still the owners when Arthur comes home... it will mean a little less money and a lot less paperwork. So, I guess we're ok either way... I honestly lean more toward the house selling, but who knows what God is going to do! We'll have to wait and see... we're getting a little tired of "wait and see"

BUNNY TRAIL

Today I woke up confused, angry, and a little hopeless. I just felt like this was all just a cruel joke and that God was withholding Arthur until we learned what He wanted us to learn. But what?? What else God? I don't know how to let go more than I already have! What other work needs to be done?? In a conversation with my mom this morning she said...

"Go cover yourself in light and pray"

I grumpily said to myself "light? what light? It's a cloudy, gloomy day." I fought her direction for about an hour and then finally got up from my desk and went to my car and began my quest to find light... as soon as I exited the garage I saw a lone street light on in an abandoned parking lot! (I'm a very literal person, if you hadn't figured that out). I parked the car, grabbed my bible and sat in that vacant parking lot  under the light and began to pray.

Ok what I'm about to say is a little cheesy, but this is just what happened... and hey, I was desperate! I opened my bible and as I was praying the wind blew the pages to Jeremiah 29... hmmm. I sat there a little longer and then realized that I really needed to do this with Aaron, so I marked the page and headed home.

We read through a few chapters and then talked through what we were feeling. Some things became VERY clear! First of all, a lot of scripture about waiting points to Christ's coming. I found myself reading along feeling encouraged and then realizing "oh, the prize in the end is Christ? not Arthur?" We read about how Jeremiah was called to purchase land even though it was about to be handed over to the Babylonians. He held on to God's promise of restoration and praised Him, believing there was "nothing too hard for Him". There were so many things that stood out, but the one that Aaron and I want to hold onto in this time is Jeremiah 30:40 & 41

 40 And I will make an everlasting covenant with them: I will never stop doing good for them. I will put a desire in their hearts to worship me, and they will never leave me. ⁴¹ I will find joy doing good for them and will faithfully and wholeheartedly replant them in this land.

It's difficult to even sum up what God did for us today through this strange little bunny trail, but I think we realized that we were the ones withholding. We have been withholding our worship, saving it for the victory that He will bring in the end, but how did we forget?... the victory has already been won! Arthur is not the victory, Christ in us is the victory and we have been reminded that our worship to Him should not cease in this time of waiting!

God has called us to trust in his promise to us... and that even in the midst of the "babylonian defeat", he has promised us good. We are thanking Him for today for calling us into this incredible journey. We are thanking Him for all that He has done already! We are thanking Him for the "path by which we came" (Jeremiah 31:21) We are thanking Him that we can now see the the beauty of the sun on a cloudy day...

HAPPY BOY!

Thank you Nathan and Michelle for capturing this sweet video of our boys!

WELL GUYS...

...It's time to get real! I just want you guys to know that things are not looking good. Five families (that we know of) now have gotten news from the US Embassy that there is insufficient evidence to move forward with their adoption at this time. The cases are being forwarded to another government entity and the families were told that they will be notified again in 1-2 months after the case has been reviewed. This is happening across all agencies. I keep reminding myself that while this is a crazy mess... the ultimate goal is to insure that no unethical adoptions go through the system! And if any of these kids were put into this system by unethical means, I pray that they are uncovered and that those children can go back to their birth families!

We still have not been submitted to the US Embassy, but we definitely have common links with some of the families who are getting this news, so I would guess that we are in the same boat. And somehow the Lord is giving me tremendous strength and peace about it! 

I feel like my trust has grown and it goes so much deeper now! Before I would set limits to my trust... I would set out timelines for how long my trust would last. Week after week I would pray and hope that good news would come and if it didn't, I felt like God had not been faithful... but really it was just that my faith and trust was conditional on a timeline. I thought that one more week was all I could bear. I'm finding out that my trust can go beyond a timeline! What an amazing thing God has done in my heart. No matter how long this takes or how it ends, this will remain true...

Arthur is our son!

I GOT MY WISH!!

Finally! a smile on that boy's face!! He just needed a little encouragement from a friend. There are so many reasons I love this photo... I mean the BATMAN shirt alone is awesome!! But, I just love how it illustrates that they are in this together just like their mothers and fathers all the way across the world. When things started getting crazy, all of the families started reaching out to each other... mostly on facebook. I started to realize that it wasn't just us stuck in this whole mess! We started stalking each other for bits and pieces of news. We encouraged each other and prayed for each other. I decided to start a group for us and while we've had our moments of gloom and doom and bringing each other down... it's mostly been a place we can go to be lifted up. I really don't know what I would do without these other families! They are the only ones who really know how Aaron and I feel!

There are 19 of us who have passed court and are in different stages with the U.S. Embassy. And after almost 7 weeks, only 5 of the 19 have been cleared for travel to pick up their kids. The bond that has been created between these families is something that would  not have happened if our adoptions went smoothly. I'm starting to see huge blessing in this time of pain and waiting. We are already starting to plan reunions for the group and I LOVE the idea that these kids get to have relationships with each other throughout their lives. It's a huge part of their history that could have been easily lost.

I also had to share that Arthur just turned 10 months and he is standing all by himself!! Such a big boy!!

WE'RE MOVING...

Last Friday Aaron accepted a job in Kingwood, Texas. We're really excited about this new adventure. It's going to be great to get back to Texas and be close to family again. It's also going to be so so sad for us to leave this amazing city that has become home to us. I have a lot more to say about how this came to be and what our timeline looks like.  Stay tuned...

PRETTY IN PINK

Here are the newest pictures of our sad little, serious little boy. I am ready to get an updated picture of that boy smiling! Why so serious, Arthur?? You need to lighten up little dude! Maybe it's because they put him in a little girls outfit. He. Is. Pissed.

Last week we were filled with hope because we knew our papers were traveling back to court to be fixed. We thought for sure they would be fixed and we would finally be submitted!! Well Friday came and went without a lot of movement. So once again we put all of our hopes into the next week... this week. And now it's already Wednesday. How long does it take to sign a damn piece of paper?? Do it NOW, please??

The part that is especially hard for me to think about now is... even if we do get submitted this week, it will likely be another 6 weeks before we get to get Arthur. We've been watching the families who have been submitted and it seems to be taking anywhere from 4-8 weeks! BAH!! I'm so done with this whole thing. It's just the worst. Please pray for us as this wait is sometimes just unbearable.