I asked for this book for Christmas. I knew that we would miss the first several months of this boys life, but I thought it would be fun to read about his development and just learn what I can about babies, since you know... I've never had one. Last night, before bed I was thinking about our Arthur and wondering what he was doing just like I do every night. I looked over at this book and got excited to open it to the learn about what it says about his age. NOT a good idea! What was I thinking? It's hard enough missing out on his life without knowing every little detail. I've decided. I don't want to know. At least not right now. It hurts too bad. I thought I would speak a little more about how hard this is right now. Adoptive parents, please chime in if you feel so led. So, here's the situation. I'm a mom. I have a son. We don't have a court date and he's not legally ours, but there is a little boy out there named Arthur and he's my son. Nothing could have prepared me for what I felt the day we got our call. No one could have explained the connection I feel to him and if they tried I wouldn't have believed them. So, how does it feel to have a son you can't touch, or comfort, or cuddle or know? IT SUCKS!! It's the hardest thing I've done and we're only in the first month! I know he's fine! I believe he's happy and healthy and loved, I just miss him. Any ideas about ways to make this wait a little less painful?
it's heart wrenching... i'm so sorry. our wait after getting photos was six long months and it was so hard. take good care of yourself... do your favorite things whether they be bubble baths, coffee treats, losing yourself in a good book, or lots of ice cream. just be extra gentle with yourself during this time... don't focus on what your missing, but imagine all the beautiful memories you'll make once he's home. praying this time moves quickly and he's in your arms very, very soon!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Kristin!! I think that is great advice. It helps to hear from people who have been here.
ReplyDeleteI still remember so well what it was like those days before we were able to get to Zinashi, especially the time while we were waiting for a court date. It was hard, hard, hard. I distinctly remember putting my head down on the desk at work and asking any saint who would listen to pray to God on Zinashi's behalf and ours. I was all out of words; I couldn't do it anymore. I just felt so lost. Up to that point, there were things I could do to participate in the process, but suddenly there was nothing to do but wait. It's a rough time, and like Kristin said, you should do your favorite things now, whatever they are. Admittedly, I took a LOT of naps. It's pleasant and it passes the time!
ReplyDeleteIn the end, when you hold Arthur in your arms, it won't matter anymore how long you waited. You will remember how hard it was to wait, but it won't matter. You can hold on to that. The day is coming, and each day brings you closer. You will hold your son in your arms, and everything else will fade away. You'll get there. Take a deep breath. We are praying for you.
Mary, I was hoping you would chime in. I admire the way you have gracefully and respectfully walked through this and I'm very encouraged by your words :)
ReplyDeleteThis makes my heart ache for you. I am beyond astounded by the strength you have. Just try to think of the day when you will get to look into his sweet eyes and tell him that you're his mommy. I say a prayer for all of you daily. Keep staying strong!!
ReplyDeletejust catching up on how the process is going and just want you to know that i am praying and that i am proud... you are going to be such a beautiful mama, you are a beauitful mama now...in this process God's glory and hope is all around... i know we dont keep in touch real well, but i am SO honored to call you friend. <3 <3 <3 keep your head up...God's timing is always the right timing!!!
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